Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML
Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML
Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML
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