AwesomeMe124

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

You've got a friend

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML