japtch

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

Unwelcome

Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML