livemaerd

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

Dick move

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation. FML

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

Asshat

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML