Mademoiselle 28 ans
Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML
Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML
Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked, "Who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door, "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML
Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML
Today, I asked a friend to hang out. I'm so used to people saying no, that when she said yes I burst into tears and had a panic attack. FML
Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML
Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML
Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
Today, my financial issues hit a new low when I had to borrow back some of the money I gave the guy who did my hair. FML
Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML
Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg, and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML
Today, minutes before I walked down the aisle at my wedding, my drunk mother stumbled up to me and told me she was depressed and wanted to leave. FML
Today, I was cutting a client's hair, and she was complaining about how itchy her head was from having it too long. As I lay down my comb and shears, three lice bugs ran across my counter. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I got married. The officiant of the ceremony referred to me as Amanda through my ceremony. My name is Anna. FML
Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML
Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML
Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML
Today, my neighbour came over with a bag containing lingerie, and apologized while blushing. Turns out his boy was the reason that my lingerie kept disappearing from my garden clothesline recently. His "boy" is over 20 years younger than me. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML
Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML
Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML
Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML
Today, I woke up and screamed. My older sister had placed a Furby right by my face while I was asleep. This is a common occurrence. FML
Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML
Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending three hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML
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