Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML
Today, I walked into the living room, only to find my brother wanking to an episode of My Little Pony. FML
Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML
Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML
Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML
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