Célibataire
Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML
Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML
Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML
Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML
Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. When I got there, I got sent on a scavenger hunt that ended with him proposing to me. FML
Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML
Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML
Today, I was fired for "smelling like garbage". I'm the guy who throws the garbage into the truck. FML
Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said, "See ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I was calling her ugly. FML
Today, I woke up while staying at my friend's house. I saw the bathroom light on, so for a laugh, I got up and quietly pennied the door. After laughing at him struggling to open the door, I decided to let him out. Turned out it wasn't my friend in there; it was his dad. FML
Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML
Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML
Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML
Today, I was having sex with someone I've been casually seeing. He got all weird during it, and said, "That's a good girl". Once he left, I told my housemates about it. Now every time I do something nice for them, they respond, "That's a good girl". FML
Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML
Today, I opened up to my best friend about my depression. Her response: "If you're so depressed, why don't you just kill yourself?" FML
Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
