Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML
Today, I went to IHOP for breakfast. As we were leaving, I realized a little girl took my Hello Kitty hairclip. For the next 5 minutes, I fought with an 8 year-old for a hairclip. She won. FML
Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML
Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML
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