caffeinated4

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

PR campaign ideas

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

Today, my mom was screaming at me and said, "I wish I'd never adopted you." I guess I'm adopted then. FML

Life's a beach

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML