Mademoiselle 28 ans En couple
Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML
Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML
Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML
Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML
Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML
Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML
Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML
Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML
Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML
Today, I found out that my brother is engaged to marry an ex-girlfriend of mine. This comes almost two months after my brother divorced ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of mine. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML
Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML
Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML
Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML
Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the, "I know I'm not your mother…" speech. FML
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML
Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML
Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML
Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML
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