Today, I finished up my physics project. I had to make some thing out of toothpicks and glue that will keep an egg from breaking when dropped 20 feet. It took me 10 hours to make it, but only took my dad 10 seconds to step on it and break it. It's due tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
Today, I shat a magnet. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, my wife wanted to have a threesome. During our honeymoon. With the maid of honor. I didn't sign up for this. FML
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