Monsieur AssTurkey, Dickz Célibataire
Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML
Today, after having a long and serious talk about maybe having a relationship, the guy I really like told me to send him a "sexy picture." I sent him a picture of me in a bra and a thong. He replied, "Yeah, you're hot!" and signed off after ten minutes of silence. I haven't heard from him since. FML
Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room." FML
Today, it's the last night before a concert. Today is also the day my brother pawned my clarinet for drug money. FML
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