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lukey101 · 27 juin 2022, 16:00 ·Wahroonga, Australia

How does technology work?

Today, my mum refused to send me a picture she took on her iPhone until it synced up to her iPad, because she claimed it will then appear larger. When I tried to explain the image will be the same regardless, she angrily accused me of not having any trust in her. I still haven’t seen the picture. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 854 Tu l'as bien mérité 102

4 commentaires Partager

NewDadHurtBad · 27 juin 2022, 18:00 ·Quesnel, Canada

Dream baby dream

Today, for the third time in 3 months, my pregnant wife woke me up by slapping me because I cheated on her in her dreams. I would never cheat on my wife, and she blames it on "pregnancy brain." There's still 5 months to go. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 033 Tu l'as bien mérité 164

7 commentaires Partager

hockey · Ça date de 2009 mais c'est de la bonne ·United Kingdom

Find my iPhone

Today, I left my new iPhone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently, when I got out she looked at it, told the driver someone had left it, and gave it to him. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 33 594 Tu l'as bien mérité 5 622

34 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 28 juin 2022, 04:00

I'm sticking with you

Today, due to an emergency, I have worked for 21 hours non stop. When I got home at 6 a.m. I fell into bed and stuck to the sheets. Only then, just as he was going to work, did my husband yell up the stairs that the sheets needed washing because he spilled his cough medicine all over the bed when he woke up. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 187 Tu l'as bien mérité 104

2 commentaires Partager

Amy · 28 juin 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Épicée

Nice guy

Today, three weeks after I gave birth to a stillborn, my now ex-husband told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. It’s his. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 2 174 Tu l'as bien mérité 164

6 commentaires Partager

Nancy · Ça date de 2010 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

Lost

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 46 734 Tu l'as bien mérité 3 229

111 commentaires Partager

so not funny! · 28 juin 2022, 14:00 ·United States

GOT FML

Today, my husband and I, as well as our two oldest kids, have dark hair. Our youngest came out with very blonde hair, like my older brother's. My husband insists on calling the baby our little “golden-haired Lannister”, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to stop. He thinks it’s hilarious. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 823 Tu l'as bien mérité 195

5 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 28 juin 2022, 16:00

Monopoly

Today, I called complaints for my internet provider because, again, it's slowed to a crawl that would make dial-up laugh. They said that I live in a remote area, so maintenance is difficult. When I pointed out I only live ten minutes from the nearest city, they responded by saying they're my only option, so tough. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 924 Tu l'as bien mérité 114

6 commentaires Partager

goldengirl · Ça date de 2011 mais c'est de la bonne ·Australia

Bad aim

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 24 668 Tu l'as bien mérité 17 046

115 commentaires Partager

Bram · 29 juin 2022, 00:00

Superficial

Today, I confessed to my husband that after having my eating disorder under control the last two years, I've relapsed the last three months. He responded by telling me to keep it up, because he wants to have the hottest wife out of all his friends. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 284 Tu l'as bien mérité 142

3 commentaires Partager

lordoftheweird · 29 juin 2022, 02:00 🌶️ Épicée

Boundaries

Today, I couldn't leave my room because my dad was having a foursome in the living room. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 501 Tu l'as bien mérité 155

5 commentaires Partager

Flipper_87 · 29 juin 2022, 04:00

God laughs

Today, my girlfriend, who I’ve been madly in love with for 18 months, left me for some guy she met two weeks ago. I was planning to propose to her next week. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 081 Tu l'as bien mérité 148

4 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 29 juin 2022, 06:00

Wingnut

Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 085 Tu l'as bien mérité 203

1 commentaire Partager

Bad Parent · Ça date de 2011 mais c'est de la bonne

CPS

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 44 816 Tu l'as bien mérité 4 575

95 commentaires Partager

Sofvcked · 29 juin 2022, 10:00

Roommates from hell, part 47757

Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 074 Tu l'as bien mérité 160

10 commentaires Partager

no more please · 29 juin 2022, 12:00 ·United States

Trust your gut

Today, my husband and I once again argued over expiration dates. He says I’m paranoid and wasteful. I finally gave in and ate some food I wasn’t so sure of. Well, his innards must be made of vibranium because I’m currently in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after puking for an hour. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 021 Tu l'as bien mérité 291

5 commentaires Partager

shouldve used a condom · 29 juin 2022, 14:00

Boys will be annoying boys

Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 841 Tu l'as bien mérité 297

3 commentaires Partager

owowowow · Ça date de 2010 mais c'est de la bonne ·Canada

Headshot

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 35 735 Tu l'as bien mérité 7 744

206 commentaires Partager

Bogrbon · 30 juin 2022, 04:00

Bad timing

Today, on the first day of the first week off together with my family in six months, we’re all quarantined with positive COVID tests. By the time we’re off quarantine, I’ll be back at work. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 840 Tu l'as bien mérité 165

2 commentaires Partager

Whyme · 30 juin 2022, 06:00

Surprise!

Today, I went on a date with my a man I’ve been seeing at a restaurant. I went to use the restroom. When I came back, he and my purse were gone. He won’t answer my phone calls or texts, and he blocked me on Instagram. I’ve been ghosted and robbed. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 338 Tu l'as bien mérité 261

7 commentaires Partager

19kwhatever · Ça date de 2013 mais c'est de la bonne ·Mount Vernon, United States

She's not wrong

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 48 374 Tu l'as bien mérité 14 748

45 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 30 juin 2022, 12:00

You better watch out…

Today, a boy asked me out, and I immediately learned just how much it stinks to have 4 overprotective rugby player older brothers, an overprotective marine corps dad, and an overprotective two-star general grandfather. As a bonus, mom is an overprotective police officer. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 228 Tu l'as bien mérité 154

8 commentaires Partager

ugh · 30 juin 2022, 14:00 ·United States

Spoiled

Today, my beyond spoiled stepdaughter threw a massive fit, swearing she was going to sue her employer for discrimination after firing her. Her dumbass believed she could take her dog to work with her, and the company couldn’t legally ask if it was a service animal or not. She worked at McDonald’s. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 034 Tu l'as bien mérité 183

7 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 30 juin 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Épicée

Fancy seeing you here

Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 512 Tu l'as bien mérité 230

9 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 30 juin 2022, 18:00

Gumbo time

Today, I cooked for the future in-laws and was accused of trying to poison them. Absolutely no one told me, even as they watched me cook shrimp and smoked sausage gumbo, that my mother-in-law is deathly allergic to shellfish and my father-in-law gets severe diarrhoea when he eats pork. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 084 Tu l'as bien mérité 132

5 commentaires Partager

WhatTheFuck · Ça date de 2015 mais c'est de la bonne ·Bridgeview, United States

Living free

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 26 823 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 825

63 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 30 juin 2022, 22:00

So happy together…

Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 307 Tu l'as bien mérité 157

6 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 1 juillet 2022, 00:00

You must be up to something

Today, my stepmom accused me of creeping around, acting sneaky, and maybe even planning to kill her in her sleep because I’m "still angry at my dad divorcing my mom and marrying her." All I did was get up at 2 a.m. for a pee at coincidentally the same time as she was going outside for a cigarette. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 037 Tu l'as bien mérité 88

5 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 1 juillet 2022, 02:00

But mah grandbabiiiiies

Today, according to my mom, she didn’t make the selfless decision to have me just for me to grow up and make the completely selfish decision not to marry my long term partner, nor to give her any grandkids. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 843 Tu l'as bien mérité 181

7 commentaires Partager

Elliott · 1 juillet 2022, 06:00 ·Pittsburgh, United States 🌶️ Épicée

Spill the T

Today, I was diagnosed with female arousal disorder, due to a disability of mine causing low testosterone levels. I've never been able to achieve an orgasm due to this. My doctor said I should just deal with it, because the remedy would make me masculine and I'm a "beautiful woman." I don't even care anymore, just let me come. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 696 Tu l'as bien mérité 181

6 commentaires Partager