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GeeHee · 30 juillet 2022, 18:00

Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

Today, I was in a work Zoom meeting that was supposed to end at 5 pm, which is my shift end time. It dragged after 5 pm so I decided to disconnect and leave to go home, since I don’t get paid overtime. My manager called demanding to know why I left early, said I was unprofessional, and fired me on the spot. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 963 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 385

6 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · Ça date de 2016 mais c'est de la bonne ·Astoria, United States

Assumptions

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 15 209 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 087

40 commentaires Partager

jadalee8290 · 30 juillet 2022, 22:00 ·Shallotte, United States 🌶️ Épicée

Blood rat

Today, while we're on vacation, my 6 year-old son barged in the bathroom as I was changing my tampon. He was horrified and kept screaming, asking why I “pulled a blood rat out of my butt.” FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 253 Tu l'as bien mérité 255

6 commentaires Partager

Hujunnn0 · 31 juillet 2022, 00:00

Deer in headlights

Today, at a Starbucks in China, when it was my turn to order, the handsome cashier locked eyes with me and asked me in perfect English what I wanted. All words in all languages that I can speak, including how to speak English, my mother tongue, left my brain as I stared into his beautiful eyes. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 817 Tu l'as bien mérité 476

3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 31 juillet 2022, 04:00

Welcome to the neighborhood

Today, I went to tell my neighbour I was sure his son had been taking pictures of me from his window. He laughed in my face, then assured me no one on planet earth could possibly want photos of my fat ass and double chin, then shut the door in my face, still laughing. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 992 Tu l'as bien mérité 317

2 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 31 juillet 2022, 06:00

Burn baby burn

Today, I was on the road, driving home. Before I'd headed out, I'd scored six amazing large house plants for free. My kids picked them up for me, and delivered them to my dining room. My husband put them out on the patio for me, in the sun, and burned them. Bye bye $100+ in free plants. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 822 Tu l'as bien mérité 213

3 commentaires Partager

EmmaJelly · 31 juillet 2022, 10:00

He's a keeper

Today, my three year-old son accidentally spilled strawberry jelly on my husband’s work shirt. My husband threw a huge fit, and went on a huge rant about how he was going to be late for work. He also said, and I quote, “Why couldn’t you just get a fucking abortion?” in front of our son. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 507 Tu l'as bien mérité 216

8 commentaires Partager

Confused · 31 juillet 2022, 12:00

Foreshadowing

Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 757 Tu l'as bien mérité 281

5 commentaires Partager

Cleo · Ça date de 2010 mais c'est de la bonne ·Brunei Darussalam

No friends of mine

Today, I found out that my colleagues don't add me on Facebook so that they can publicly put me down in their statuses, without me knowing. My boss liked the one which said that I talk too much. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 34 875 Tu l'as bien mérité 10 617

153 commentaires Partager

jpaylay · 31 juillet 2022, 22:00

No need for white knights

Today, my sister's boyfriend of over a year broke up with her. As her brother, I instinctively wanted to beat him up, but he is too much of nice guy for me to be able to hurt him. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 259 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 079

7 commentaires Partager

Pinsky · 1 août 2022, 00:00 🌶️ Épicée

Dave, don't stick your knob in beehives!

Today, I got stung by a bee on the tip top of my penis. No one understands why I am limping. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 966 Tu l'as bien mérité 368

4 commentaires Partager

Karen with a C · 1 août 2022, 02:00

Get into the groove

Today, my fiancé and I went on a tourism boat. There was drinks, food, and a Motown cover band. My man famously has no rhythm, but he’s out on the dance floor and all the guests are loving him. I didn’t dance, and everyone was looking at me like the wet blanket holding him back. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 330 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 197

5 commentaires Partager

itisobviouseinstein · Ça date de 2015 mais c'est de la bonne ·New York, United States

Can I make it any more obvious?

Today, a bible-toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 25 471 Tu l'as bien mérité 3 865

17 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 1 août 2022, 14:00 🌶️ Épicée

Join the club

Today, just walked in on my fiancé having a threesome with my brother and his husband. The wedding was supposed to be next week, and a lot of it is non-refundable FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 756 Tu l'as bien mérité 205

4 commentaires Partager

birdy · 1 août 2022, 16:00 ·Australia

It's MINE

Today, after months of trying to persuade her to give it to a wildlife rescue, I reported my stepmother to the authorities for illegally keeping an endangered bird in the kitchen. When they took it, she screamed that I had no right to do that, as she considered it hers since she found it. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 141 Tu l'as bien mérité 251

5 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · Ça date de 2013 mais c'est de la bonne ·Mclean, United States

Twatted

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 40 281 Tu l'as bien mérité 4 265

58 commentaires Partager

Jack · 2 août 2022, 00:00

You ass!

Today, I just spent the last 3 years working on a research project and published about it, read by a multitude co-authors and proofreaders. My mum just spotted it has the word "asses" in it, instead of "assess". FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 893 Tu l'as bien mérité 278

2 commentaires Partager

Kyle · 1 août 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Épicée

Elmo-blocked

Today, my girlfriend was finally in the mood, when all of a sudden I start hearing loud demands for Elmo. By the time I got the movie started for my son, my girlfriend was completely asleep, in her négligée. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 057 Tu l'as bien mérité 289

3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 2 août 2022, 04:00 🌶️ Épicée

Who is happier, though?

Today, up until now, my baby sister has happily had over 100 sexual partners and has never had an STI or gotten pregnant. I had sex once in college, got pregnant with twins, caught syphilis ,and none of the men in our town ever looked at me sexually again. It’s been 17 years since I had sex that one time. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 2 295 Tu l'as bien mérité 455

8 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · Ça date de 2013 mais c'est de la bonne ·Saint Petersburg, United States

Wakey wakey

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 35 252 Tu l'as bien mérité 25 268

98 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 2 août 2022, 10:00 🌶️ Épicée

Bad parenting tips

Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 432 Tu l'as bien mérité 211

4 commentaires Partager

Rordon Gamsey · 2 août 2022, 16:00

Kitchen daydream

Today, I was "that idiot" who spent ages making a soup stock from meat and vegetables, but then while separating it forgot to put a pan under the strainer, so I poured the finished stock down the sink, leaving me with only the boiled meat and veg sat sadly in the strainer. Takeaway chinese for tea, then. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 802 Tu l'as bien mérité 435

1 commentaire Partager

shitforchris · Ça date de 2009 mais c'est de la bonne ·Canada 🌶️ Épicée

Life on Nightmare mode

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 66 310 Tu l'as bien mérité 12 138

182 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 2 août 2022, 22:00

Countdown

Today, I had a major "WTF?" moment when a teenage goth, who was clearly still drunk at 7 a.m., with a vodka bottle in his pocket, plonked down next to me on the train, glanced at my crossword and pointed out where I’d gotten three words wrong, and one word that was right but misspelled. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 751 Tu l'as bien mérité 572

5 commentaires Partager

Momof twoadults · 3 août 2022, 00:00 🌶️ Épicée

Freudian nightmare

Today, my 35 year-old son accidentally texted me a dick pic that was meant for his Tinder date. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 288 Tu l'as bien mérité 224

6 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 3 août 2022, 04:00

Slippery

Today, my husband is so desperate to not spend time with my parents that on my dad's birthday he claimed he forgot and booked a trip to the dentist, and now for their anniversary he's pulled the same trick again and booked this year's prostate exam. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 968 Tu l'as bien mérité 290

6 commentaires Partager

socks · Ça date de 2011 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

So close, but yet so far

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 49 645 Tu l'as bien mérité 3 484

155 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 3 août 2022, 10:00

Up to no good, sonny Jim ?

Today, I went to the dentist in the same building my wife works. I decided to leave a love note on her car to surprise her. I'm currently being held by security, waiting on the cops, on suspicion of stalking. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 082 Tu l'as bien mérité 166

3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 3 août 2022, 12:00

The cost of friendship

Today, my wife found out about all the crazy stuff my ex and I used to do in my car, which I still drive. Serves me right for encouraging them to be friends. I hope she doesn’t find out about what went down on our ottoman, I can’t afford a new one. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 391 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 518

3 commentaires Partager

Alfonso · 3 août 2022, 14:00 ·Pomona, United States

Where there's a will, there's a way

Today, I got a text from my husband’s adult son offering help. I’ve been my husband’s caretaker for 4 years as he battled Parkinson’s and cancer. His son never called once to offer help; when I asked, he refused. Sadly, my husband passed last month. Now his son is offering help because they can’t find the will. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 320 Tu l'as bien mérité 98

3 commentaires Partager