1known

Anonymous · 28 janvier 2023, 08:31

Boss man

Today, after I'd spent all summer creating lesson plans for the fall, I'm finally ready for new students. I'd tested all my lessons with summer school students, who loved them because it taught them to think differently about how to use a computer. My boss told me I can't use it because students won't like it, even though they already did. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 940 Tu l'as bien mérité 227

3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 2 septembre 2022, 12:00 ·Europe

Toxic waste

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 155 Tu l'as bien mérité 465

2 commentaires Partager

HashiManGo · 2 septembre 2022, 14:00 🌶️ Épicée

Fragile

Today, my girlfriend's bastard ex whispered in my ear that, "She used to suck my cock with that mouth, think about that the next time she tries to kiss you." Now it's all I can picture every time she kisses me, and it's lowkey disgusting, and turns me off. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 884 Tu l'as bien mérité 2 030

10 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 2 septembre 2022, 16:00 ·Delhi, India

I want to break free

Today, I realised that I still don't know what to do with my life, since my parents have taken decisions for me my entire life, and are forcing me to a field of study which requires enormous amount of dedication and years, which I have no interest in, but still have to do because I don't know what else to do. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 816 Tu l'as bien mérité 559

4 commentaires Partager

Ahmed · 2 septembre 2022, 18:00

Infrastructure

Today, it's the sixth day since the VDSL cable connected to my house was cut off by a truck driver. It's now the third time this month, and last time it took around 17 days for the internet provider to send someone to fix it. I've already spend $50 on internet just to be able to work over the last week. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 934 Tu l'as bien mérité 93

3 commentaires Partager

Nanana32 · Ça date de 2013 mais c'est de la bonne ·Hudson, United States

Never let your guard down

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 49 358 Tu l'as bien mérité 6 205

41 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 2 septembre 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Épicée

Kinky but risky

Today, during a family visit, my wife pulled me into the bedroom and told me to talk dirty to her, while there was a risk of being caught. It's her kink, not mine. Her sister must have overheard us because I woke up in hospital. She thought I was secretly abusive and brained me with my own walking cane. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 535 Tu l'as bien mérité 193

4 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 3 septembre 2022, 00:00 ·United States

Just dependa things

Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 632 Tu l'as bien mérité 128

4 commentaires Partager

bri_sci94 · Ça date de 2014 mais c'est de la bonne ·Madison, United States

Romance is definitely dead

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 40 020 Tu l'as bien mérité 3 815

83 commentaires Partager

EneughIsEnough · 3 septembre 2022, 12:30

What a petty man

Today, I got mad at my wife for giving her male coworker a ride home. I know nothing went on with them because I tracked her phone, I’m mad that he offered her a job in the business he’s starting, because she’ll be making a LOT more money than me. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 163 Tu l'as bien mérité 3 322

15 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 3 septembre 2022, 15:00 ·France 🌶️ Épicée

Kinda sus

Today, I like it rough in bed and found the perfect lover to have fun with. Now I have to choose between going to work fully covered while it's 35°C and sweat like a pig, or to go lightly dressed and show a VERY suspicious amount of marks on my body. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 620 Tu l'as bien mérité 2 124

7 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 3 septembre 2022, 18:30

The popo

Today, I got a ticket for parking "illegally." I was waiting for my handicapped dad at the airport and had all the required documents to park as I did while waiting for him. The cop didn't care, and now I have to go through bureaucracy hell to get it cancelled. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 398 Tu l'as bien mérité 123

2 commentaires Partager

assdialed. · Ça date de 2009 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

Estranged

Today, I got a phone call from my dad, who I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but he did leave me an accidental voicemail, saying, "Oh shit, I didn't mean to call her." FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 36 373 Tu l'as bien mérité 2 712

36 commentaires Partager

girlonthe19thfloor · 3 septembre 2022, 23:30

Overly attached girlfriend flashback

Today, my boyfriend got hired as a customer service agent at an airline. I'm full of anxiety ever since, because he has a cheating past. I then find out he has to fly out to Texas for two weeks training, and to top it off its all girls in his team. I don't want him to wanna go join them for city exploring, or food and drinks. He’s mad at me for it. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 558 Tu l'as bien mérité 2 260

9 commentaires Partager

Elliz · 4 septembre 2022, 02:00

Better off

Today, I was stalking my ex-husband’s Facebook. He looks so happy with his new, supermodel-perfect girlfriend who he left me for. She’s everything I’m not. I kinda regret giving birth to two kids and my body changing forever. He’d still be with me. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 079 Tu l'as bien mérité 653

14 commentaires Partager

Patrick · 4 septembre 2022, 04:30

Wizard skills

Today, I was looking after my 9 year-old nephew when I let him play some web games on my MacBook. A few hours later, I found out I'd underestimated his tech skills, as he'd changed all my contacts to "Mr. Spongebob Squarepants." Thanks to iCloud, all contacts on all my devices were changed. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 960 Tu l'as bien mérité 555

3 commentaires Partager

anon · 4 septembre 2022, 07:00

Ain't no rest for the wicked

Today, I was diagnosed with COVID, and given a week off work to quarantine. When I sat down on the sofa, my girlfriend slapped the remote out of my hand and handed me a list of chores, "to do while you're lazing around on vacation." It's four pages long. Double sided. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 229 Tu l'as bien mérité 311

6 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 4 septembre 2022, 09:30

Assumptions

Today, I was called a paedophile and was physically attacked, because I parked in a spot directly next to a McDonald’s outdoor play area and sat there for a while. I was waiting for my drive-through order, in the spot where the staff told me to wait. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 273 Tu l'as bien mérité 109

4 commentaires Partager

AshlynnPrime · Ça date de 2013 mais c'est de la bonne ·Owensboro, United States

My brother, the doofus

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 42 376 Tu l'as bien mérité 3 223

62 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 4 septembre 2022, 14:30

Road rage

Today, while I was reluctantly driving to work on a Sunday, some guy in a shiny Audi threw a plastic root beer bottle full of urine at my old Toyota. He didn’t even bother to put on the cap on, like a gentleman would. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 103 Tu l'as bien mérité 118

3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 4 septembre 2022, 17:00

Zapped

Today, I got electrocuted at work. The boss thinks I'm faking, even though a chunk of my left hand is gone. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 358 Tu l'as bien mérité 101

6 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 4 septembre 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Épicée

Red flag

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend after we went to my family reunion. I heard him complaining that I didn't have any "slutty cousins" he could cheat on me with. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 719 Tu l'as bien mérité 212

5 commentaires Partager

How old am I again? · 5 septembre 2022, 00:30 ·United States

The R-word

Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 959 Tu l'as bien mérité 509

3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 5 septembre 2022, 03:00 ·Paris, United States

Premature

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at dinner, which would’ve been nice if we hadn’t been dating for only two months, and dinner was at Subway. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 266 Tu l'as bien mérité 164

2 commentaires Partager

Oof · 5 septembre 2022, 05:30 ·United States

Good deeds

Today, a wheelchair-bound kid in my study hall dropped one of his textbooks on the ground and he couldn't reach it. When I noticed, I stopped what I was doing to go pick it up for him. The problem is, he sits right in front of the door, so I got yelled at for "trying to leave class without permission." FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 277 Tu l'as bien mérité 129

5 commentaires Partager

why???? · 5 septembre 2022, 08:00

Natty dread

Today, I’ve been growing dreads for two years after I lost my hair to chemo. After visiting my boyfriend’s family, we all contracted lice from the kids. Even though I did the shampoo and treatment, my locks are too coiled to effectively comb out all the nits. I have to shave my head again. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 493 Tu l'as bien mérité 420

4 commentaires Partager

DumpedLikeADUmp · 5 septembre 2022, 20:30

Not so subtle hint

Today, I come home from work to my bedroom to find all my husband’s stuff gone. There was a note in the dresser, with his wedding band, that read, “I hope you can take a hint. Sorry.” Not only was I dumped, and I can’t locate him anywhere, but I now have to cover his part of the mortgage which I can’t afford. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 2 038 Tu l'as bien mérité 230

2 commentaires Partager

Kimberly · 5 septembre 2022, 23:00 🌶️ Épicée

Horndog

Today, my now-ex bf actually gave me the, “If we don’t have trust, we don’t have anything” speech when I caught him commenting “Soooooooo sexy! I’d hit that 24/7/365” on a girl’s photo on Facebook. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 471 Tu l'as bien mérité 264

2 commentaires Partager

Reaper · Ça date de 2009 mais c'est de la bonne ·South Africa

Let down

Today, after weeks of agonising, I told my best friend (who I am madly in love with) that I loved her. She said, "Me too, you're like a brother and a best girlfriend rolled into one!" FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 59 521 Tu l'as bien mérité 5 237

101 commentaires Partager

Ihateracoons · 6 septembre 2022, 06:30

Darwin smiled

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 163 Tu l'as bien mérité 5 444

15 commentaires Partager