1known

a…… · 17 juin 2023, 03:00 ·Buenos Aires, Argentina 🌶️ Épicée

Trad life is great

Today, I realised I hate my life. I’m 17, married to a selfish douchebag, raising twin babies with him when I should be studying or hanging out with friends like a normal teenager, all because he “doesn’t like how condoms feel” and he couldn’t pull out in time. Oh, and I didn’t even cum that night. FML

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Anonymous · 17 juin 2023, 06:00 ·Fairfax, United States

The old switcheroo

Today, I saw my crush for the first time since she rejected me and said she was a lesbian. The man she was passionately making out with in the dining hall would state quite the opposite. FML

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Outandaway · 17 juin 2023, 10:00 ·Bern, Switzerland

Black Mirror

Today, a self check-in hotel charged me 50 bucks for an iPad charger I allegedly stole. On the security footage I can be seen removing a charger. It was my own charger that I'd plugged in because the iPad for the check-in didn't work and the charger was missing. I even contacted the helpline about it, which can be seen on the footage. FML

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Anonymous · 17 juin 2023, 12:00

The straights are at it again

Today, I came out to my parents. My mother laughed and, when I asked her what was so funny, she told me, "Well, most gays are attractive, muscular, funny and can dress very well. You're ugly, fat, boring, and have no sense of fashion. Good luck." FML

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Anonymous · 17 juin 2023, 15:00 🌶️ Épicée

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

Today, I showed my best friend proof that her husband was sexually harassing me. Now she's refusing to talk to me, and I can't let my own husband out of my sight, for fear that he's going to murder the guy. FML

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love_today · Ça date de 2010 mais c'est de la bonne ·Canada

Mean streets

Today, I got called a "f***ing b**ch" by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

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Anonymous · 17 juin 2023, 22:00

I'll be back

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I said yes and started gushing over the wedding, buying a house, having kids… He was smiling up until I mentioned kids. One discussion, followed by one blazing row later, he left with the ring, his clothes, and his Xbox. FML

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Anonymous · 18 juin 2023, 00:02

Dad, what have you done?

Today, I still don’t know how to act in front of my mother in law. She thinks that the Earth is flat and told her kids that all sunscreens cause cancer. She also has other theories that make me feel weird. FML

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Anonymous · 18 juin 2023, 10:00

Overreaction, but still…

Today, and because our relationship is getting serious, I asked my boyfriend about his stance on having kids one day. He practically projectile vomited on the carpet, which is probably not a good sign. FML

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Anonymous · 18 juin 2023, 12:00 🌶️ Épicée

Sex ed done right, sort of

Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML

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Anonymous · 18 juin 2023, 15:00

Entitled

Today, I know my ex has spoiled our daughter. How do I know this? Because I got her a low level job at the same company as me, got her first paycheck and legit asked me, “Is that it? Where’s the rest of my money?” What rest of her money? That’s her wages for a months work. Curse my rich ex. FML

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Anonymous · 18 juin 2023, 18:00

TikTok trending

Today, my girlfriend insisted on doing some stupid TikTok where we say one thing we’d change about each other. She hates that I don’t always put plates straight in the dishwasher. I hate that she gets her makeup all over the sink without cleaning it. She got mad and threw a book at my head. FML

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Anonymous · 19 juin 2023, 03:00

Not a leg to stand on

Today, I found I'd inherited money through the death of my childless aunt, enough to be debt free and pay my entire mortgage. My cheating ex girlfriend found out and is demanding half, since my aunt died when we were still living together under common law. She’s getting solicitors involved. FML

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LoveDrug · Ça date de 2010 mais c'est de la bonne ·Ireland

Hard no

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

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mistreated mistress · 19 juin 2023, 10:00

The Bridges of Madison County 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, despite the fact that we love each other and are perfect together, my boyfriend still refuses to leave his wife. Apparently it will "mess his kids up." FML

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Kal · 19 juin 2023, 16:00

Next!

Today, while I was explaining my troubles to my therapist, he asked me, "And don't you have someone you can tell all that?" FML

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fat girl problems · 19 juin 2023, 18:00 ·United States

It'll be over soon

Today, my soon-to-be-ex saw me cleaning my creases with a wash rag, even though I’d showered earlier. To him that’s proof that I'd fucked someone else and was wiping away the evidence. To me it’s proof that I need touch ups throughout the day so I don’t stink. I sweat profusely and it’s over 90°F. FML

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Anonymous · 19 juin 2023, 22:00 ·Buenos Aires, Argentina 🌶️ Épicée

Lemon party

Today, I helped my father upload his photos to iCloud because he was running out of storage on his phone. First thing I saw on his camera roll is a video of him sucking two guys off. He’s been married to my mom for 25 years. FML

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Anonymous · 20 juin 2023, 00:02

Good grief

Today, my mom wished her best friend a Happy Birthday on Facebook. Her best friend died this year. Oh, did I mention that it’s also my birthday? FML

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Anonymous · 20 juin 2023, 03:00

Memento

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

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Anonymous · 20 juin 2023, 06:00

Bridezilla

Today, it was supposed to be my wedding but my fiancé insisted we be married by his childhood priest, a real bible thumper. This arsehole tried to change our vows at the altar and told me wives should know their place, so I slapped him and the wedding is delayed until we get a new priest. FML

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NotTheSoulMate · Ça date de 2013 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

The One

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

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Anonymous · 20 juin 2023, 10:00 ·Belleville, Canada

Trauma dumping

Today, my partner of 4 years has told me that trying to be emotionally present and initiate affection from time to time is too much of a change for them to handle. I wish they had said that the first time I brought it up, instead of stringing me along. Oh, but they "love me". Just not enough to be a better person. FML

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Anonymous · 20 juin 2023, 12:00

A good thing? Really?

Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML

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Anonymous · 20 juin 2023, 15:00 🌶️ Épicée

Quickie

Today, I walked to my boyfriend's house, which takes literally 2 minutes since we are also neighbours. He wanted sex straight away. The walk took longer than the sex, by over a full minute. FML

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Anonymous · 20 juin 2023, 18:00 ·Nottingham, United Kingdom 🌶️ Épicée

Happy anniversary!

Today, our anniversary, is a disaster. The restaurant gave away our table, even though we were early, and the hotel we’d booked for three nights had a burst pipe, so we had to sleep in the only other hotel, which was so seedy the deskman openly assumed we were two cheaters meeting for a quick fuck. FML

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jamongrande · Ça date de 2015 mais c'est de la bonne ·San Francisco, United States

The higher power provides

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

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Anonymous · 21 juin 2023, 06:00 ·San Diego, United States 🌶️ Épicée

Sensual ASMR

Today, my husband woke me up by whispering, "Can I roast my meat rod in your fudge oven?" FML

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loser · Ça date de 2008 mais c'est de la bonne ·United Kingdom

Walked into that one

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said, "Oh, and now you look more handsome." FML

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Anonymous · 21 juin 2023, 10:00

Latergram

Today, I made it halfway through saying "Happy Father's Day" before he interrupted to send me to do an unimportant chore. When I finished, he’d opened the beer I'd bought him, despite it being 7:30am, but he was convinced it was a bribe because I wanted something from him. I don’t know why I bother. FML

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