Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML
Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML
Today, my 5 year-old twin boys decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML
Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML
Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML
Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML
Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML
Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
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