Today, while I was working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML
samarrin
Make your minds up
Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML
Spooky season is nearly here
Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML
Some friend
Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML
Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML
Creeped out
Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML
Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML
Today, I was told I pull the "whole grunge look" off quite well. I don't dress "grunge", nor was that my intention. FML
Denial
Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML
Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML
Today, I gave up trying to make any friends at my job as a firefighter. I'm the lone female, and am the subject of gossip with the older men. Anyone I try to befriend ends up hitting on me, while others won't even talk to me because their wives are jealous. FML
Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML
Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML