Damascus, Syria 35 ans
Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML
Today, I attached fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML
Today, I got my first tip. It was a Mentos. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of us getting married some day. She said she wasn't sure about me yet and that we may want to go in different directions soon. We've been dating for three years and I had the ring in my pocket at the moment. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML
Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML
Today, I found out my ex got invited to our Christmas Party. I also found out that she got much more presents and money from my family than I did. FML
Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML
Today, my parents told me they're getting a divorce. However, they asked me not to tell any of the family so that the news doesn't spoil Christmas. Thanks, Mom and Dad. FML
Today, my dad and I found in my house a water filter that has not been changed in over 20 years. We have been drinking that water that has been going through a filter that had more colors than a rainbow on it. FML
Today, I noticed a girl looking at me on the train. Playing it cool, I decided to give her a smile and see what would happen. It came out as a creepy, seedy grin, prompting her to call security. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to kiss me as we were walking home. It was very icy and he slipped. His teeth went through my lip. FML
Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic, only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML
Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML
Today, the girl that I have been secretly madly in love with for 6 years told me "fuck off and stop doing nice things for me." FML
Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML
Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, my friends let me win at strip poker so I wouldn't take off my clothes. FML
Today, I found out where my favorite shirt has been for the last six months. My ex-fiancé's new girlfriend is wearing it. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was Facebook-stalking a really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML
Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML
Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML
Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML
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