stokebasing

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

Good vibrations

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

I can't unsee it

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML