MVHDM1

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML

Today, I logged onto Tinder to see if I had any messages. I had one: "Get off Tinder." FML