Monsieur Oh, Canada 31 ans
Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML
Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML
Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me via Facebook chat. When I asked her why, she replied, "You know why." and blocked me. No, I don't know. FML
Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML
Today, my father informed me that he plans to play a drum solo instead of making a speech at my wedding. And yes, he IS completely serious. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML
Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML
Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML
Today, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You Can Leave Your Hat On." When the song was over, I was completely naked. She then said : "Maybe we should've closed the shutters…" FML
Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML
Today, I was in a toilet cubicle, when I overheard two of my friends at the sink talking about how ugly and skinny I was. FML
Today, I started doing a striptease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML
Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML
Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML
Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who I've been dating for over a year, was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. That's when I saw she'd packed 10 condoms with her. FML
Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML
Today, I received two withdrawal grades in school for dropping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did so, and he then said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML
Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML
Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to explain why we got the parts we did. He said he tried matching our characters to who we actually are. I play a whore who's a transvestite. FML
Today, I stumbled upon my boyfriend's Facebook. His second Facebook. On which I also stumbled upon his second girlfriend. FML
Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
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