Mademoiselle Montréal, Canada
Today, I found out my roommate is literally crazy. I talked to his sister for an hour on the phone, she told me I should move out as soon as possible and to make sure I take everything I brought, because he's a thief and a liar. She was amazed I had stayed as long as I have. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided he preferred his other girlfriend. FML
Today, I attended my girlfriend's mother's wake. When I walked up the three-step platform the casket was on, I tripped, fell over the edge of the casket, and head-butted her mother's corpse. The adhesive holding one of her eyes came undone. FML
Today, I saw on Facebook that a friend left her job where I also used to work, as she posted a picture of her farewell gifts, including cards, balloons and cookies. Normally, I'd be happy for her, except when I left I was told they'd "stopped doing farewell presents", and as such, I'd got nothing. FML
Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML
Today, our family cat died. I had to explain this to my two small children, who had no experience with death. I ended up bawling like a baby while they consoled me, telling me she had, "gone to a better place." FML
Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML
Today, I was told that I wasn't "long-term material" by a guy who has the words "white trash" tattooed across his knuckles. FML
Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML
Today, we've hit day 4 with no hot water in my apartment. Today is also day 4 of the office insisting that the plumber is "on his way". My neighbor just got arrested for screaming at them. Looks like we'll be entering day 5 soon. FML
Today, at a mall, my mom accused me of lying about being gay, just because I said I don't like shopping. FML
Today, I was supposed to hear from my supervisor about whether or not my company was going to be letting me go. I've been on continual probation for the last 6 months, waiting to hear when they'll decide. She'd said last Friday that I'd definitely hear from her today. It's now 5:30 p.m. She's gone home. FML
Today, my roommate told me that when he takes a shower he likes to swipe the bar of soap in between his butt cheeks, "like a credit card." I use that soap on my face. FML
Today, I canceled all my plans because my boyfriend wanted to go on a date. He didn't mean with me. FML
Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML
Today, a deer hit my car. I stopped to check on it, expecting it to be dead in the road or a ditch. The fucker was staring at me from the top of the hill and pranced off just fine. I get $800 in front-end damage and I'm still finding hair and fecal matter on my car. FML
Today, I noticed my doctor has freakishly huge hands. This normally wouldn't have bothered me were I not there for a prostate exam. FML
Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML
Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML
Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and told me that the man I have called dad for the past 27 years isn't my real father. Oh and don't say anything to him about it. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, after many attempts at getting my girlfriend to ride the bus to see me rather than taking Uber, she finally did. She ended up meeting a man who convinced her that she should break up with me. She listened. FML
Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML
Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML
Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML
Today, I was pulled aside by my father's new wife and told, "You're not your dad's favorite anymore and you need to stop acting like it." FML
Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML
Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
