Guatamala, New Hampshire 57 ans
Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML
Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML
Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML
Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML
Today, my son's first impression of our new neighborhood was to be yelled at by the first kid he tried to introduce himself to, because my son was on the edge of their lawn. Half-an-hour later, I got a lecture at the corner store, because the clerk thinks vaccinations caused my son's autism. FML
Today, I saw a ridiculously hot guy dining with his family. I decided not to flirt with him with his parents around but to ask his sister (who went to the restroom) to give him my phone number. When I came back, I saw her pointing a finger at me, and the whole family turning around and staring. FML
Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML
Today, I took my boyfriend's advice and finally stood up to my very passive-agressive, rude mother. What started in a conversation about her snide comment about my outfit ended in me needing to find somewhere else to live. FML
Today, a crow somehow got stuck in my ceiling. It's been making tons of noise for 9 hours now, including crowing very loudly. I live in a one-bedroom apartment, I have no access to the attic and the property owner doesn't give a shit. FML
Today, I found out that whenever I text my boyfriend something cute, he texts his friends and asks what to say in his reply. Basically, I've been talking to his friends all the time. FML
Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML
Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML
Today, my best friend finally broke up with her knob of a boyfriend. This would be great except now my boyfriend of two years has broken up with me because she's finally single. She introduced us. FML
Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML
Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls, and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
Today, my father stumbled upon the quickest way to get me out of bed in the morning: ripping out my nose stud. FML
Today, I decided to be honest and told my husband I didn't love him anymore. It ended with a warrant for his arrest. FML
Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML
Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML
Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML
Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML
Today, I met my downstairs neighbor after she repeatedly banged on my floor as a way to quiet me down. I guess I'm not allowed to walk on my floor. FML
Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML
Today, my family is flying to Hawaii for a longed-for holiday. Well, my husband and children are; I'm in a hospital bed awaiting surgery on kidney stones that I never knew I had. Hopefully they'll send me a postcard. FML
Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML
Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You're such a cute couple!" FML
Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
