Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML
Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML
Today, while playing soccer, I was kicked so hard in the shin that my tibia snapped. The snap was so loud that even the audience heard. As we waited for an ambulance, my mom started yelling for me to get off the field so the game could continue. FML
Today, I was in a dating auction. I was bought for $2. The man who won a date with me recited every dialog from the movie The Lord of the Rings. FML
Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML
Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML
Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML
Today, my parents fought over who gets the dog when they divorce. Nothing has been said about where my brother and I will live when they split. FML
Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door…" I'd forgotten about that option. FML
Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year-old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML
Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML
Today, after being laid off for over a year, I got turned down for an unpaid internship. I can't even get people to let me work for free. FML
Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML
Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML
Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML
Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML
Today, it's Christmas Day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he feels empty inside when I'm not in the kitchen. This is the most romantic thing he has said to me in the past two years. FML
Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a coworker. I got her the job. FML
Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML
Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML
Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML
Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
