Mademoiselle Tucson, United states 34 ans En couple
Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML
Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he leaned back, laughed and said, "Wow. You're growing a mustache." FML
Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML
Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said, "You know you can't wash and reuse these?" FML
Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML
Today, my 3-year-long dry spell was about to end. A lovely lady over for dinner, good food, wine and lots of laughs. Things heated up nicely in the bedroom when a playful wrestle made my bed shift, snapping two of its legs. The bed collapsed, totally ruining the mood. The dry spell continues. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML
Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML
Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML
Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML
Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML
Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML
Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after my check cleared for my half of the $1000 deposit on our new apartment. FML
Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML
Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML
Today, I not only absent-mindedly tried to scrub the natural suntan from my arm, I also spent several long seconds wondering why it wouldn't come free. FML
Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML
Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML
Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
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