Monsieur 30 ans
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML
Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
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