Monsieur Charles Town, WV, USA 39 ans Célibataire
Today, I had to explain to a customer that she couldn't use the bathroom while going through the drive-thru. I still don't understand what exactly she had in mind. FML
Today, I went to work with a splitting headache, after being ridiculed for calling out with a migraine previously. It was only after I started vomiting blood at my work station that management decided I could go home. FML
Today, I attended my girlfriend's mother's wake. When I walked up the three-step platform the casket was on, I tripped, fell over the edge of the casket, and head-butted her mother's corpse. The adhesive holding one of her eyes came undone. FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
Today, I was on my motorbike, riding through town, when a bird collided with my crash helmet. I lost my balance, and fell. As a result: a leg, a rib and a wrist of mine were broken. The EMT guy helpfully reassured me that the pigeon was A-OK. FML
Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML
Today, my mom asked why my three-year-old son is named Trevor. After I told her it was from my favorite game, GTA V, she hit me over the head with a shoe. FML
Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML
Today, our family cat died. I had to explain this to my two small children, who had no experience with death. I ended up bawling like a baby while they consoled me, telling me she had, "gone to a better place." FML
Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML
Today, my mother-in-law threw bricks at my car. Her defense? I shouldn't have parked in her "brick throwing spot", in my own driveway. FML
Today, in my AP U.S. history class, we had a very long, very slow discussion about whether or not Vermont is a state. I think I lost brain cells. FML
Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML
Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML
Today, my roommate was complaining about a headache, so I offered her some aspirin. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh… That stuff's only for heart attacks." I'm living with an idiot. FML
Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML
Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a one-hour drive away. And in another country. FML
Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML
Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML
Today, immediately after placing my order and paying for my meal, the Chinese takeout place lost all power. FML
Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML
Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a customer dumped a hot chocolate on me and yelled, saying it wasn't his order. The order actually belonged to a 4-year-old boy with the same name, who started screaming when he didn't get his chocolate. FML
Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML
Today, at work, someone peed in the fitting room, after I told her she could not use the employee toilet. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML
Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML
Today, after having my Wi-Fi unlocked for two years, I decided to lock it since it was running slowly. Everybody in my apartment building came to my door and asked me why I did it. I've been unknowingly providing free Wi-Fi to the entire building for years, but now that it's protected I'm getting constant dirty looks. FML
Today, I wanted to buy a Philly cheesesteak from my campus grill, but I was running late so I ordered a grilled cheese as it would be simpler to prep. I then waited 20 minutes and watched as the cooks made 4 cheesesteaks for other orders before even starting my grilled cheese. I was late. FML
Today, I learned that the manager I switched jobs to escape 7 months ago will be my new boss. FML
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