Monsieur Ontario, Canada 30 ans En couple
Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML
Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML
Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend is so seldom romantic that it actually makes me uncomfortable when he says something cute. FML
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry, it gets better." FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML
Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML
Today, I cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I work in a hospital and have to use hand disinfectant at least every twenty minutes. It hurts badly. I have to work for eight hours. FML
Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML
Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML
Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML
Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML
Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML
Today, I found out why my room-mates and I have been ill for the past week. Apparently a rodent climbed into our water cooker and died. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been tainted by a corpse all this time. FML
Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML
Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML
Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML
Today, I was learning to drive a stick when a cop decided to pull me over just to laugh at me. FML
Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML
Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML
Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML
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