Original_Outcast

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

Cheap

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2-for-1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

Offended

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you." FML

Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

Bad reputation

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML