Mademoiselle Maine, USA 30 ans
Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via the medium of free-style rapping. FML
Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML
Today, my mother commented "Loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes. FML
Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister, and me. FML
Today, I woke up with Skittles superglued to my forehead. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML
Today, a friend told me over MSN that her father had died. Trying to express some solidarity, I went to send her a tearful smiley. I accidentally sent her the dancing pig animation instead. FML
Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked, "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied, "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML
Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying, "I want my cat back." I have no idea what they are talking about. FML
Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML
Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML
Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML
Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry, it gets better." FML
Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML
Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML
Today, my mother used climate change as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML
Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML
Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML
Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML
Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML
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