aweck

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Running

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the Chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

Complaint

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and said that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered, "Fat girl problems." FML