INDIANA, MURICA
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML
Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML
Today, I was on vacation, when a very cute guy starting talking to me and asked me what my name was. Overwhelmed and stressed out, I blurted out that I didn't have one. FML
Today, my boyfriend said that he doesn't have to marry me because we coincidentally have the same last name. FML
Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML
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