Monsieur corona NewYork, USA 34 ans
Today, I got mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML
Today, I found out that not only has my father been cheating on my mother with another woman, but they have a child together with the same name as me. FML
Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML
Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML
Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML
Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML
Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML
Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML
Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML
Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML
Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on Facebook. FML
Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as, "My other girlfriend." FML
Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML
Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML
Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML
Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said, "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
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