XxSandersonxX

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

Today, I made my first snowman ever, and then cried when my big brother kicked it to pieces. I'm 27. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

Happy Caturday!

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not a virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", Honey. FML

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML