35roli

sam · 15 mai 2021, 00:01

Where am I?

Today, same as always, I still have to take a moment to distinguish between right and left. I’m 21. FML

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16 commentaires Partager

sara · 13 mai 2021, 07:59 ·Canada

Don't overdo it, it's bad for you

Today, I have wasted so much time reading comments on this page that FML comments have become my favorite bedtime stories. FML

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9 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 13 mai 2021, 00:01

Get creative

Today, I was put in charge of painting a storage shed. The company owner ordered me to paint it a shade of blue. The site manager order me to paint it red. My boss ordered green paint. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 070 Tu l'as bien mérité 75

4 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 12 mai 2021, 06:01 ·Emden, Germany

That's rank

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 105 Tu l'as bien mérité 109

2 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 9 mai 2021, 04:01

Unfair

Today, I had to do a presentation. No one else in my group showed up, so I had to do it alone. I was given a failing grade for presenting by myself, and therefore not being a "team player". FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 291 Tu l'as bien mérité 70

6 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 9 mai 2021, 05:59

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

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5 commentaires Partager

lilmatchgirl · 4 mai 2021, 07:59 ·Godley, United States

Creepy

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 477 Tu l'as bien mérité 166

5 commentaires Partager

laurilove7 · 27 avril 2021, 20:01

It's a learned behavior

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

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11 commentaires Partager

Jules · 25 avril 2021, 00:30

Get your vaccinations if you can

Today, we’re supposed to check people’s temperatures before their COVID vaccination. The thermometers don’t work, though. We’re told to just press the on-off-button twice, so they make the same beep-beep sound as if they were functioning to make people feel safe. FML

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5 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 15 avril 2021, 08:00

That's no excuse

Today, a customer yelled at me because I wouldn’t sell her a boneless chicken bucket with extra fries, beans, coleslaw and Pepsi. I work at Subway. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 244 Tu l'as bien mérité 82

3 commentaires Partager

PooperParty · 5 avril 2021, 11:00

Crybabies

Today, I had an Easter Egg Hunt in my backyard for my kids. When they collected all the eggs, they opened them and to their dismay there was no candy inside. When I bought them, I thought they already came with candy. It’s been two hours and my kids won’t stop crying. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 409 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 844

5 commentaires Partager

rian · 3 avril 2021, 21:30

Redesign

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

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3 commentaires Partager

Milly · 29 mars 2021, 23:01 ·United Kingdom

Family ties

Today, I disconnected and hid the WiFi router and told my kids and husband I wanted an hour together doing family stuff. I failed miserably. Rather than spend an hour together, they spent nearly 2 hours separately tearing the house apart for the router. Now the house is a mess and I’m still lonely. FML

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8 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 27 mars 2021, 20:01

When pranking goes too far

Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

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13 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 25 mars 2021, 23:01 ·Australia

Alexa, play "Dream baby Dream" by Suicide

Today, I awoke from a bizarre dream where I, a man, was pregnant. If that wasn’t weird enough, when I gave birth, it was a pug puppy. FML

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7 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 22 mars 2021, 21:30 ·United States

Always carry around a pencil with you

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

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6 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 21 mars 2021, 17:01 ·Milwaukee, United States

You OK?

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

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7 commentaires Partager

Ouchies · 18 mars 2021, 17:01

Now you know

Today, I went to the beach. My friend decided it would be funny to push me into a bunch of Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish washed up on the shore. Did you know their tentacles can sting even if they’re dead? FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 184 Tu l'as bien mérité 97

2 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 18 mars 2021, 22:58 ·Bothell, United States

Check yourself

Today, the dorm above me had their toilet pipe break and leak through my ceiling, so I have to move rooms. The worst part was I answered the door to let the repairman in while I was in pajamas, but he looked uncomfortable. I didn't notice until he left that my 'thing' was poking out. FML

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3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 14 mars 2021, 08:01

Pokéman gone

Today, I thought a cute and well-dressed guy, with a mask matching his shoes, was taking a picture of me. Flattered, I approached him. Turns out, he was playing Pokémon Go and was just trying to catch a “Geodude.” He also blurted out that he was gay. He's into dudes and Geodudes. FML

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5 commentaires Partager

lukey101 · 11 mars 2021, 17:00 ·Adelaide, Australia

Uber Thiefs

Today, my Uber passenger stole one of the rear floor mats out of my car. FML

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3 commentaires Partager

Jake · 10 mars 2021, 23:00

Relatable reasoning

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

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15 commentaires Partager

jill · 10 mars 2021, 05:01

Eww, roommate from hell

Today, I discovered that when I sleep, I go to the bathroom to poop and don’t flush the toilet. I live with three roommates who all wake up before I do. FML

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3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 8 mars 2021, 01:59

Deception

Today, I found out my husband was faking his leg injury. I caught him out and about walking just fine, hand in hand with another woman. I’ve been caring for him, holding down the bills, and taking him to an "at home" chiropractor for the past 7 months. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 661 Tu l'as bien mérité 105

7 commentaires Partager

notyourbaby · 7 mars 2021, 19:58

Weirdo cousin

Today, I found out my cousin stole my used pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures the last time she came to visit, and tried to fake a pregnancy. This was two years ago when she stayed at my house. I just found out I'm pregnant again, and guess who just asked to come to stay and "visit"? FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 309 Tu l'as bien mérité 109

5 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 5 mars 2021, 08:01

Impressive

Today, I had a big job interview on Zoom. I forgot my name was set as "Fat F***". I joined the call and the older lady interviewing me was very offended. FML

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3 commentaires Partager

ShelbyIsAwesome · 4 mars 2021, 17:01

Who are these people ?

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

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11 commentaires Partager

SleepEat · 25 février 2021, 21:30

Hmmm, candy

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 871 Tu l'as bien mérité 186

7 commentaires Partager

Bride · 25 février 2021, 23:00 ·New Zealand

Shush

Today, I went in to pick my wedding dress. My fiancé's ex-girlfriend was my consultant. She basically hinted that I looked fat in every dress. FML

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6 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 17 février 2021, 05:01

Great question

Today, during my online class, I was answering my professor's question when my older sister slammed open the door to loudly say, "WHAT'S UP CHICKEN FUCKER?" My class heard. I hate online school. FML

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6 commentaires Partager