phuck19

useless pos 1 mars 2013, 00:48 Sydney, Australia

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

123 commentaires

cjw 6 mars 2013, 00:07 United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

72 commentaires

Fml 12 avril 2013, 05:05 Lynn, United States 🌶️ Épicée

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

68 commentaires

ironies a b*tch 13 avril 2013, 05:04 Chatham, United States

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

166 commentaires

-____- 5 octobre 2013, 21:28 Seattle, United States 🌶️ Épicée

Emergency

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

146 commentaires

what did I do? 25 octobre 2013, 11:54 Sydney, Australia

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

106 commentaires

Anonymous 11 janvier 2014, 02:25 United States

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

95 commentaires

lahiros 30 mai 2014, 22:05 Bentleigh East, Australia 🌶️ Épicée

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

193 commentaires

wounded pride, intact cock 17 janvier 2015, 18:49 United States

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

178 commentaires