Mademoiselle Eucalyptus trees, New York 28 ans Célibataire
Today, my boyfriend and I were chatting on MSN. He had to go run down to the corner market but left his webcam on. Shortly after he left I watched his mother steal 60 dollars out of his wallet. He doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML
Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML
Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML
Today, I found out I need serious surgery on my right knee to remove a tumor growing underneath it. I will not be able to walk for 3 weeks, and the doctor told me to take off for 5 months from work just for full recovery. My father's response, "You'll do anything not to work." FML
Today, after running late for work, my boss called me into his office and asked me why I was wearing a uniform shirt that said Amanda. My name is Rob. Amanda is my fiancé, who works for the same organization at a different location. Employees are prohibited from dating each other. FML
Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML
Today, while at an amusement park my husband left me to walk with all of our friends because he said that I moved too slow. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, for the first time, I hugged the man I have been in love with for four years. It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to my best friend. FML
Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML
Today, I told my sister that I thought I was pregnant, and that she was the only person I had called. Immediately after I hung up the phone I got a text saying, "OMG my sister thinks she's pregnant!" FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML
Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML
Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently duplicated my keys before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering, “He looks like Jesus.” FML
Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML
Today, my boyfriend of three years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me because his mom told him to. FML
Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently, my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she's embarrassed of my real brother. FML
Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML
Today, my boyfriend of five years finally asked me to marry him. He said, "We could save on taxes if we got married… What do you think?" That was the most romantic thing he's said to me in the last two years. FML
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