Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML
Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML
Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML
Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML
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