Mademoiselle New Jersey, USA 29 ans Célibataire
Today, I went to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon took a better X-ray to see what he was dealing with before he got started. When he came back into the room, he started to laugh and told me it was my lucky day because in the X-rays he found 2 big extra wisdom teeth. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML
Today, my classmate told me she can copy an article from the internet and hand that in, as long as she cites it at the end. FML
Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML
Today, I learned there is such a thing as "too much sex". After a full week of having sex at least twice a day with my girlfriend, I had to go to the GP due to a painful erection and swelling. The constant sex had caused me to burst a blood vessel in my penis. FML
Today, the people who gave me no training or instruction on how to do my job tried to fire me, because asking for clarification apparently means I'm incompetent. FML
Today, my car was rear-ended and totaled. Last year, during the same month, my previous car was rear-ended and totaled. I should just stop driving during the month of February. FML
Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided he preferred his other girlfriend. FML
Today, I received a phone call from my 91-year-old grandpa. He was lost driving somewhere in my town. I then spent the next few hours trying to teach him how to send his location until his phone died. FML
Today, I asked students to identify a woman that made a difference in history. I got several people answering Martin Luther King Jr. These are 9th graders. FML
Today, I had to explain to a customer that she couldn't use the bathroom while going through the drive-thru. I still don't understand what exactly she had in mind. FML
Today, I was using my flashlight app in the driveway to avoid stepping in puddles, as my new shoes are untreated suede. I dropped my phone in the puddle instead. FML
Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML
Today, I ordered pick-up from a restaurant I really like. It was pouring, so instead of taking the long way across the pedestrian walk, I ran through a grass-covered area and tripped on tree roots. I was right in front of the restaurant, so everybody saw me. FML
Today, I went to work with a splitting headache, after being ridiculed for calling out with a migraine previously. It was only after I started vomiting blood at my work station that management decided I could go home. FML
Today, I attended my girlfriend's mother's wake. When I walked up the three-step platform the casket was on, I tripped, fell over the edge of the casket, and head-butted her mother's corpse. The adhesive holding one of her eyes came undone. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML
Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML
Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML
Today, I was on my motorbike, riding through town, when a bird collided with my crash helmet. I lost my balance, and fell. As a result: a leg, a rib and a wrist of mine were broken. The EMT guy helpfully reassured me that the pigeon was A-OK. FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML
Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML
Today, I was making mashed potatoes in a hurry, I had the pot boiling on high when I had to rush to the bathroom. As I'm walking away, I ask my boyfriend to watch the potatoes. When I returned, they were no longer boiling and he proudly announced he added cold water because they looked a little dry. What? FML
Today, I saw on Facebook that a friend left her job where I also used to work, as she posted a picture of her farewell gifts, including cards, balloons and cookies. Normally, I'd be happy for her, except when I left I was told they'd "stopped doing farewell presents", and as such, I'd got nothing. FML
Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML
Today, at work, I broke the drinks machine for the third time. The first two times I broke the key, this time I switched it off and couldn't turn it back on after my manager warned me not to mess with it AFTER I had switched it off. The best part? The key is still broken from last time. FML
Today, my mother-in-law threw bricks at my car. Her defense? I shouldn't have parked in her "brick throwing spot", in my own driveway. FML
Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
