Mademoiselle New Jersey, USA 29 ans Célibataire
Today, I was helping a women that was looking for skin care products. She kept commenting on the look and "texture" of my skin in a very creepy and almost hungry fashion. I'm afraid that she wants to skin me. FML
Today, as we were exchanging little affections in bed, my girlfriend suddenly burst into tears. I insisted on knowing why. She had just realized how much she missed her ex. FML
Today, like every day, I made myself some coffee with my Keurig, but today I discovered a lot of mold growing inside it. I guess that explains why I've been so sick and feel like my lungs have been on fire the last few weeks. FML
Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML
Today, I was so nervous about a medical exam I was about to take, that I misspelled my own first name. It only has three letters. FML
Today, I went into my boss's office to confront her about not consulting me before switching my shifts with someone else. I left in tears. FML
Today, I went to the hairdressers for a quick cut and wash. I didn't expect my ear to be included in it. FML
Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML
Today, after searching frantically for my economics notes for a week, I asked my friend to send me pictures of hers. I recognised my handwriting on the pictures she sent me and she admitted she'd "borrowed" them. The exam is in three days and she refuses to meet me and give my notes back. FML
Today, I began the first week of my internship. When I arrived in the morning, I saw a paper on the door that said, “Business holidays. Back in two weeks!” My internship ends in two weeks. They completely forgot about me. FML
Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML
Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML
Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML
Today, my new job e-mailed to tell me the role was no longer available, leaving me to start my job search all over again. My notice at my current job ends this week. But it's OK, because as compensation for my 'distress', the company sent £100 worth of vouchers... to the wrong address. FML
Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
Today, on a train to the airport, the ticket inspector pointed out that my girlfriend and I hadn't activated our tickets. He suggested one of us get off and activate them at the next station. Now I'm on the moving train with all our luggage, and she's waving from the platform with our tickets. FML
Who's your fave this week! Check out these fine specimens.
Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My friends don't believe me since they "didn't get a Facebook notification." FML
Today, my husband insists he'll be able to make a career out of playing League of Legends. He says this with only $4 in our bank account because of his last brilliant career move. FML
Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML
Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML
Today, I tripped over my own feet and dislocated my kneecap. FML
Today, I watched my fiancé ride off on my motorcycle with another girl. FML
Today, I decided to pull a prank on my girlfriend by hiding in the closet and scaring her when she came home. I got in and closed the closet doors, only to realize I couldn't open them from the inside. She just texted me to say she covered for a friend and won't be home for 6 more hours. FML
Can you work out who dunnit?
Today, I called in my parents to look at pictures from my recent trip on my laptop. It wasn’t until after they left that I realized I had left a tab open with the title “20 Things You’ll Understand if You’ve Ever Had Anal Sex.” FML
Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML
Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML
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