Mademoiselle Granite Falls, United States of America 33 ans
Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could've dented the chassis." FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML
Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML
Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML
Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML
Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML
Today, I informed my family of my plans to divorce my wife after catching her cheating on me twice. They bitched me out because I will not be able to survive financially or emotionally without her support. I'm a doctor. She's been unemployed for 2 straight years. FML
Today, I finally figured out why my mechanic was so cheap; he wanted to sleep with me. After I politely declined, he charged me regular price plus extra for "humiliating" him. He's 60. I just recently turned 18. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML
Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML
Today, I was on the bus when a really cute guy came on. The only seat left was the one next to me, so I smiled and waited for him to sit down. He looked at the seat, looked at me, and opted to stand until his stop. FML
Today, I decided to prank my boyfriend by putting a pair of panties in his coat pocket. I stormed in and confronted him with the "evidence". I guess the prank worked; he broke down and confessed to cheating on me. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML
Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML
Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML
Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously, until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML
Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML
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