Mademoiselle MN 28 ans Célibataire
Today, I was bored at work looking at a sex offender list of my area. After a couple of pages, I saw my uncle. FML
Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML
Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML
Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML
Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML
Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML
Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML
Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML
Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML
Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with, "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML
Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML
Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML
Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML
Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, I carpooled with my co-worker whose girlfriend has left him. The radio was playing the song "Jar of Hearts." He then began to sing intensely, and broke down crying. FML
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML
Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote, "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML
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