Mademoiselle norfolk/wayne, US 35 ans
Today, we had to evaluate each other in class. Apparently I'm a quarrelsome, uncommitted, commanding bitch. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML
Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML
Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally replied, "Yeth ma'am." She ended the tour right there. FML
Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML
Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML
Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML
Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later, I got a text saying, "I just dropped the bitch off, I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I later asked him about it. He said, "Megan, I have no idea what you're talking about." My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML
Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML
Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML
Today, I started an awesome job with competitive pay. I also found out that the place is closing its doors in June. FML
Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I'd caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML
Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML
Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML
Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML
Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML
Today, my fiancé — a top chef — called me at work to make sure I would be home on time for the extra special dinner he'd prepared for me. The occasion, as I later discovered, was the end of our engagement. FML
Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML
Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML
Today, I learned that I'm not really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, while shopping, a few giggling girls came up to me and asked why I was wearing a dress in public. Highly confused, I didn't answer. When they walked away laughing, I realized they thought I was a man. I'm a woman. FML
Today, I found out that my parents took me to a specialist when I was a baby because they thought I had a facial deformity. It turns out I'm just ugly. FML
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