Mademoiselle Saskatchewan, Canada 35 ans Célibataire
Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML
Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML
Today, I decided to do a word search in my daughter's Hello Kitty coloring book. It took me 30 minutes to find 6 words in a kids coloring book for ages 1 and up. FML
Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML
Today, while watching Animal Planet, I realised my boyfriend uses the Dog Whisperer techniques on me. FML
Today, an old lady hit me with her car, after which she said, "Oh! Not again!" FML
Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML
Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML
Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML
Today, I got into a wreck thanks to a big flashing sign on the highway that said, "Keep your eyes on the road" that distracted me. FML
Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML
Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML
Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML
Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said, "See you in Kansas." FML
Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML
Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML
Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML
Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML
Today, I puked up a centipede. FML
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
Today, my school is having a mandatory class on etiquette. We've just now progressed onto forks after a long, tedious discussion on spoons. FML
Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML
Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML
Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML
Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML
Today, I was complimented on my hat by two different people. I wasn't wearing a hat. FML
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