Carlos Gordo

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he started to really get into it and get rough. He tore my labia and I now need stitches. FML

Oh no.

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML