Mademoiselle Toronto, ON, Canada 46 ans En couple
Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML
Today, the same manager who wrote me up for missing work when my mom had had a stroke, thought it was perfectly acceptable to announce she was leaving work 6 hours early to take her dogs to the groomers. Apparently, that appointment was more urgent than me riding in an ambulance with my mother. FML
Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML
Today, I'm 6 months pregnant with my first child and excited. My brother and his girlfriend announced they're getting married… on my due date. They refuse to change the date. FML
Today, at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML
Today, my husband and I were lovingly holding hands on the couch. I'm not typically a cuddler, but I went with it… until he sneezed into his hands. This would of been fine, if my hand wasn't still coupled with his. His laugh suggested harmless fun. My drenched hand suggested murder. FML
Today, my husband told me he'd changed his mind and no longer wants children. We already have two kids. FML
Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML
Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street, because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughter's ballet class, I got pulled over two blocks away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML
Today, I got a mammogram, after feeling some discomfort. After the exam, I mentioned to my mother my doctor referred the test, because even though I'm still in my twenties, I have a family history of breast cancer. She told coworkers, friends, and family about my health condition. Now they all know. FML
Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML
Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML
Today, I found out I’m not getting a raise, despite my ‘outstanding’ performance, since the company made a loss this year. Last year I didn’t get a raise because of COVID uncertainty. The year before that I didn’t get a raise because I only just got ‘promoted’, where I also didn’t get a raise. FML
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML
Today, my wife and I drove to the other side of the country to attend a swingers party where we thought no one knew us. So did my parents. FML
Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML
Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss docked my hours. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I was working and a woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it. I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML
Today, I asked the person I love to commit to me. Instead, he packed his shit and moved out. FML
Today, I had a manbaby on a dating app tell me that I should experience more transphobia, because I declined to sleep with him behind his wife's back. Dating as a trans person is hard enough, but WTF, dude? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual decision but I was curious as to what he thought went wrong. "I was just never sure if you brushed your teeth regularly." He cheated on me twice. FML
Today, my boyfriend was serving dinner, and decided to circle the table with my son's plate while making UFO noises. My son grabbed at the plate and spilled it, making a huge mess. They both decided that I should clean it up. FML
Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML
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