Mademoiselle Toronto, ON, Canada 46 ans En couple
Today, my wife, who has been unemployed for over two years, had a $415k job offer rescinded, all because the hiring manager thinks she might be a Karen (Yes, she is). My job contract ended last month, so we have no income. FML
Today, I found out that my rent is going up by $100. This is the third year in a row. I'm on SSI ($914/month) and it was $550 when I moved in before the pandemic. I'm also morbidly obese, schizophrenic, and my family doesn't respect me. FML
Today, after a day of anxiety and worry that something bad would happen, I decided to keep my two daughters home from being flower girls at my sister's wedding. Now my sister and entire family is blowing up my phone. Apparently her wedding is my important than a mother worried about her babies. FML
Today, while at a family dinner, my boyfriend's family explained how he needs to learn family recipes to pass down to his future children. He responded, "Why would I ever start a family? I hate kids." I'm currently seven weeks pregnant. FML
Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. It includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because of a video game. Not that I was playing the game too much, but because she got addicted to it and decided that the game was more important than our relationship. FML
Today, I went over to a guy's house. He had almost no furniture and slept on a mattress on the floor; however, he had the most impressive gaming computer I've ever seen. He's 40. FML
Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML
Today, I was using the same metal spoon to stir boiling noodles and the pasta sauce I was heating up. I decided to taste the sauce and see if it was getting warm, forgetting that the spoon was sitting in boiling water three seconds earlier. FML
Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML
Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML
Today, my wife keyed my car and spilled wine on the seats because she saw I commented on a female friend’s picture on Facebook. I told her how repairs are gonna be expensive, and she responded, “You should have thought about that before complimenting other bitches on Facebook!” FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML
Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML
Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML
Today, and for years, we've had an old rifle on the wall in my dad's office that his grandad brought back from WW2. Purely on a whim because I was bored I took it down, aimed it at random things making "bang bang" noises. It was still loaded and now my dad's university diploma has a big big hole in it. FML
Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML
Today, I made several beautiful steaks on the grill, then set them to rest. While I left to use the bathroom, my four year-old decided they looked yucky and poured syrup on them. My wife was too busy giggling and recording it to stop her. FML
Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML
Today, I found out that this fall, I'll be living in a dorm with a communal bathroom, paying most of my way. My brother, a grade below me, will be living in a 2 bed 2 bath apartment, all expenses paid by my parents. Why? "It costs money to get rid of people” and “You can do school from home." FML
Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML
Today, now that I've lost a significant amount of weight, all the guys that turned me down saying they “liked me as just a friend” all of a sudden are in my DMs saying, “Hey beautiful” and asking me out on a date. Nice to know I’m only liked for my body. FML
Today, I was supposed to get married. Instead, my sister made up a story about me cheating on my fiancé at the bachelorette party. He bought it and dumped me, despite there being no evidence of this. Turns out it was all a plan because they were secretly seeing each other for months. FML
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year-old boy, and an 19 month-old girl. I was chasing them around the house, having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change, the 3 year-old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML
Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
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