Mademoiselle Dubai 35 ans
Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML
Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML
Today, I realized that I'd run out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML
Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML
Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML
Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML
Today, I went to the doctor's with my pregnant sister, only to find out she still weighs less than me. FML
Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss then announced that he's coming with us. FML
Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML
Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML
Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML
Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML
Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of two years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready, and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back, and said, "Bitches, man." I cried. FML
Today, I wore what I thought was a hideous sweater from the thrift store for an ugly sweater contest. I've gotten more compliments on it than anything else I've ever worn. I can't even succeed at failure. FML
Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML
Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML
Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML
Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML
Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML
Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML
Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML
Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML
Today, my parents refused to give my daughter her Christmas presents as an act of revenge against her father. FML
Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML
Today, a very drunk woman at the family Christmas party told me she felt terrible that I didn't have a mother who cared about me. She's my mother. FML
Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML
Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML
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