Monsieur San Lorenzo 26 ans Célibataire
Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML
Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML
Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML
Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML
Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML
Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML
Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML
Today, my dog once again desperately tried to yank me straight into the path of a bus. FML
Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML
Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML
Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML
Today, after assuring my best friend that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, I came home to my brother having loud sex with my best friend's girlfriend. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML
Today, I found out that my parents got married on their second date because they were mildly intoxicated, bored and wanted something to do. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I received a big scholarship. I was ecstatic, until I looked up the cost of tuition at that university. I still need $120K. FML
Today, I rubbed chilli powder on my fingers in an attempt to kick the habit of biting my nails. Ten minutes later I went to the bathroom. It still burns. FML
Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML
Today, I went to Costco and the cashier asked me how I was doing so, to be nice, I asked her back. She said, "I'm fucking horrible, I'm working at Costco," nearly making me spit my drink out. FML
Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
Today, whilst working at Subway, I took an order for 6 footlongs. The entire process took 15 minutes due to the customer's hesitant and glacial pace. When it came to paying, he pulled out his wallet, looked inside, looked at me, and walked quickly out of the store. FML
Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
